When I was struggling to quit smoking and finally did quit I thought that quitting smoking was all I was going to do. I didn’t realize how much quitting smoking would affect the rest of my life. I’m going to talk a little about my own experience here. My experience may not be true for you, but hopefully it will be helpful.

When I quit, the first thing that came up for me was … feelings. I started to be snappy and angry, short tempered, angry, weepy, angry, and did I mention angry? It took me a few years to fully realize that what I had been doing while smoking was blocking my feelings. Smoking is great for blocking your feelings. Are you feeling anxious? Have a cigarette. Are you feeling angry? Have a cigarette. Are you depressed? Have a cigarette! Really, that’s what I did when I was smoking. I was smoking away my feelings.

So I began to learn how to deal with all those feelings that came up. In the beginning I didn’t do a very good job. I used sugar and food to put them away. I wasn’t totally successful, but it helped. I eventually did look at those feelings and discovered that feelings are okay! Emotions are the natural state of a human being. Anger isn’t bad, it just is. Depression isn’t bad, it’s just a human condition. Anxiety isn’t bad. It’s just the human condition. Really.

In my case, I had been suffering from low-level depression for my whole life. When I quit smoking, my depression really got bad and I finally listened to my healer buddies and went to a psychiatrist and got a prescription for an anti-depressant. This worked for me because of my own chemical make-up. Everyone is different. But I believe I was smoking to manage my depression, because it kept me from sinking down into the depths I experienced when I quit.

My relationshps changed when I quit smoking. I found new friends and solidified some of my existing relationships. I still have friends who smoke, although in the beginning I had to stay away from them because I knew it would be too tempting. Now it’s not so hard, but they understand and I understand so we are able to survive our differences in that realm.

I became more honest. I wasn’t a huge liar when I was smoking, but  would slip and slide through a few things. Now I can’t lie and I don’t want to lie. How did that happen? Somehow I think I respect myself more and I don’t want to live in a world where I’m living a lie and presenting myself falsely to the rest of the world.

I started to want to live again. Perhaps this relates to my depression, but I also believe that quitting smoking and adding some years back to my life had an effect on my willingness to live a good life. And to live a good long life. I am not spending my time hiding away and smoking, I am running two businesses, I’m in a relationship, I have friends, and I have lots ot do. And there’s a lot more to learn and to do in my future.

So you see, quitting smoking can have a profound effect on your life!

I’m fascinated with the concept of quitting smoking (or anything for that matter). Why is it one day we are totally unable to put down our addiction, and the next we somehow can? I think that’s what happened to me. I tried and tried to quit smoking, and over and over I failed. Even after a month or two, I still picked up. What was the difference on that one day when I was able to say, “This is it.”?

I think perhaps it was a combination of things. I think I had come to a point in my life where I was willing to suffer through not smoking. I also had it in my mind that no matter what happened I wouldn’t pick up. I told myself that I could do anything else but I couldn’t smoke. (And that didn’t mean take other drugs, basically it meant that I could eat anything.) But beyond those things, I think there was something intangible. I think there was a part of me that put its foot down and said, “I’m tired of this merry-go-round, I want to get off.” I think that was what made the difference.

I see people really struggling to quit. They swear this time will be the one that works and yet they relapse again and again. Can it be that they don’t really believe they can quit, and so they fulfill their own prophecy? What is it that shifts us into knowing that this time we can do it? Some people might say they succeeded because of their spiritual source, whatever that may be. Others might say that they had finally done enough work in therapy and they were no longer a prisoner of past experience and reactions and so had the skills to suceed. Still others might say they were sick and tired of being sick and tired and somehow, by hook or by crook, it worked.

I suggest to those people who just can’t seem to make the final break that perhaps you need to look a little deeper into yourself. Ask yourself if you are REALLY ready to put those things down. Ask yourself what can you do instead of pick up when you have that incurable craving. People have been able to quit cold turkey for years. People now have the added benefit of nicotine replacement therapy these days to ease the withdrawal symptoms. People are quitting. What makes you different?

Making a plan really helps because you have some tools at hand when you are in a crazy state and just want to pick up that smoke (I’ve written a lot about planning your quits in previous blog posts).

As you look at all the reasons why you can’t quit, write them down. And then ask yourself, “what if?” When this situation happens next time I quit, what if I did *this* instead?

Maybe that will give you the edge to stay away from smokes (dare I say it?) forever.

Let me know how it goes. I look forward to hearing from you.

Catherine

Hello everyone, I hope you had a great holiday and are enjoying a wonderful new year.

I was talking to a friend of mine who is really struggling with quitting; he’s tried for a few years now and can’t seem to get more than about 2 months time before he slips again. I’ve read on some of the quit smoking sites about how people quit and slip and quit and slip and it saddens me that they are not really ready to quit. And, as I’ve said many times before, I believe it’s the plan that we put in place to quit that is going to get us there. But we all must face this addiction in our own way.

Quitting is different for everyone, so nothing I say here is set in stone. Some people have experienced relatively easy quits compared to others. Some “feel the obsession lifted” and they just no longer want to smoke. But others don’t have that experience and run the gamut of reactions that smoking can bring. Anger comes soon after quitting for many, that emotion of feeling out of control and wanting to lash back. I think it is caused by several things. 1) You’re in discomfort, you’re withdrawing from nicotine and you don’t like how it feels so you react with anger. 2) Smoking is known to mask feelings, so if you were always able to manage your anger in the past with the cigarettes, then not having them means you need to find a new way to manage it. Many people aren’t prepared for the intensity of emotion that comes up and it overwhelms them. 3) When we quit we must change our normal routine because our normal routine involved smoking at specific times. This can be disconcerting, and, once again because we’re not very happy about how we feel in the first place, having to change our behavior at the same time can cause frustration and anxiety which may result in anger.

After anger sometimes you’ll feel pride that you’ve been able to get through the worst of it. (Go to the American Lung Association site and check out the list of benefits you get from smoking.) You are still uncomfortable as you are still withdrawing from cigarettes and learning how to live without them, but, hopefully, you are getting support from friends and loved ones who are telling you what a great job you’re doing. And then something happens that really (pick one) hurts, angers, baffles, confuses, upsets, causes anxiety, etc., and you are once again back in that place of I NEED A CIGARETTE!

But maybe that doesn’t happen and you progress slowly through your days meeting the challenges of not smoking and feeling pretty good about yourself. And you go to a party and a friend is smoking and he offers you one and you say yes because you beieve it really wasn’t so bad to quit and you’ve got things handled now and you can probably smoke just one.

Oh the sadness around the phrase “I can probably smoke just one.” In my personal experience and that of many of my clients and friends you cannot just smoke one. One triggers that little brain of yours into the addiction again and you immediately begin to crave the second and the third. Or you can talk yourself into believing that you got away with one the other day, maybe you could get away with buying a pack and just having one when you really need it…..

After you have successfully quit, in addition to experiencing new emotions, you may also have new physical complaints. Within about 6 months of quitting smoking I became severely depressed and began using antidepressants. It was at that point that I realized I had been depressed all my life and was using cigarettes to manage my depression. I had no idea I was doing that until I was no longer smoking.

If you haven’t dealt with the oral satisfaction that smoking gave you, you will likely gain weight. Not only will your metabolism return to normal after quitting, but it will become more effective at metabolizing your food, so you will use more of it than you did when smoking. You blood pressure may go down a bit as well. So food will likely “stick to your ribs” a little more which will require that you manage your diet more carefully and add exercise to your lifestyle. Or, if you already exercise you will probably need to increase the amount you do. Your taste buds will return so you will definitely be able to taste foods more effectively, which can also add to weight gain.

Some people develop emphysema or other forms of Chronic Obstructive Lung Disorder (COPD) after they quit smoking. It’s sad, but true. It may take many years to develop, and you might live a long and happy life without tobacco products and then toward the end of your life develop lung problems. I have developed asthma which saddens me, but I believe my lungs were abused for so many years that they just couldn’t cope with the demands put on them by my lifestyle. I’m working on it and I am not going to let it stop me, but I look at all those years I smoked and definitely wish I hadn’t.

You may develop sensitivity to smell. When I first quit I became unusually sensitive to all smells, not just cigarettes, but that has thankfully changed now and is not as much of a problem.

Some people report problems with sleeping initially after quitting smoking (especially those who woke up in the middle of the night craving a cigarette). Dreams may change, of course, after quitting. Often non-smokers report having smoking dreams, which can be scary. I like to look at them as having had the opportunity to smoke without having all the harmful effects. Some people have smoking dreams for years, some very rarely. I still have them after almost 11 years, but I think it’s because I am concerned with cigarettes and write about and talk about smoking more than other non-smokers. (If you’re interested in dreams, by the way, you might want to check out the Association for the Study of Dreams web site.)

The reason I’m trying to give you an opportunity to know what will happen after you quit is so that you can be prepared for these changes when you do quit and you will have made a thoughtful plan for how to deal with them. If you pretend you will have an easy quit and won’t have any of these problems, you will be very challenged if these things come up. If you’re ready for them, you will have given yourself a mantra, or spoken to a doctor, or planned an activity that will counter these events and emotions.

And, of course, giving me the opportunity to coach you through your quit would be another way of helping yourself through it. We can check in once a week up to the quit date, then check in more often for a week or two, and then go back to once a week until you feel ready to go solo. It ’s a good investment in yourself and your quit smoking plan. Please e-mail me to set up a free consultation coaching appointment.

Meanwhile, work on your quit plan and spend some time getting to know yourself so you can understand what you will go through when you try to quit. Use your past relapses for information. You take care.

Catherine

I’m offering a free teleclass:

Tips on Quitting Smoking

Tuesday, January 26, 2010
4:30 p.m. Pacific time / 7:30 p.m. Eastern time

Sign up at:

http://www.treetopcoaching.com

I read the posts on Facebook and Twitter from people who quit cold-turkey and are somehow surprised at how difficult it is for them. I’m not surprised. Nicotine is a drug, just like heroin. And we all know or have heard that it’s harder to quit than heroin. Why wouldn’t it be difficult?

That’s why I recommend that people prepare themselves for quitting smoking. There are lots of ways to do that and what I do with my coaching clients is develop a plan that is specifically tailored to their needs. We meet once a week on the phone for 45 minutes and talk over how it’s been going and what issues or problems have come up. And I don’t recommend “quitting tomorrow,” rather I recommend setting a date somewhere between two weeks and a month off and we spend the time in between really getting ready to quit.

Have you ever heard the saying (by the smoker), “I have quit hundreds of times! I quit every night!” <grin> Right, the problem is not so much the quitting as it is not picking up again in the morning, or the next day or next week. When I was trying to quit I can’t tell you the number of times I “smoked my last cigarette,” only to find myself back at the 7-11 buying another pack. (I call the 7-11 the Addiction Store: they sell relief for all kinds of addictions: alcohol, nicotine, gambling, sugar, fat, chocolate…. etc.) What I didn’t do was think about what it would be like not to smoke. I just hoped that somehow it would be easy. And of course, it never was.

So if you’re trying to quit, give yourself a break. Make a plan. And if you need help with it, why not try coaching for a few months. You’re worth it, aren’t you?

Someone very near and dear to me is visiting me for the holidays, and he’s a smoker.

I find myself in a dilemma. I know exactly what it’s like to be a smoker, how hard it is to come to a decision to quit, how much I craved those cigarettes and how uncomfortable it was to have to leave the group and smoke somewhere at a distance. But I am a non-smoking advocate and want so much for this wonderful person to stop smoking.

Today we went shopping in the city and he was standing outside Macy’s smoking a cigarette and I suddenly had this urge to bum one from him. I was kind of amazed at myself at this mindless knee-jerk response on my part, but I remembered bumming them from him before when I was pretending that I had quit but really hadn’t, and how enjoyable it is to share a cigarette with another smoker. I’ve been off cigarettes for almost 11 years and here I was almost unconsciously willing to throw all that down the drain. I suppose it goes to show how addictive nicotine is. Someone told me that nicotine permanently alters your brain chemistry to make you permanently addicted to it; I don’t know if that’s true or not, but if so, I have just experienced the evidence of that.

How do I express to him my concerns without alienating him? Of course he knows smoking is bad for him and that it will only get worse, there is nothing I can tell him that he doesn’t already know about the dangers of smoking. And this is a time of togetherness and love and warmth. I don’t want to spoil that by giving lectures on how he should quit. It will just cause tension between us as any disagreement can do. We have to agree to disagree.

We had one conversation about it in which he expressed his views and his situation in regard to smoking. I expressed some of the things I know about smoking and my own experience of smoking and eventually quitting.

I think ultimately I will have to bear the smell on his clothing, understand when he goes outside to smoke on my front porch, and know that one day he will decide on his own to quit. I just hope it is soon soon soon.

Happy Holidays to everyone. Stay well!

Catherine

Happy Holidays to all of you out there! I hope you enjoy yourself doing something wonderful for yourself, feeling and giving love to all around you.

My holiday has started off as a pretty hectic time, but I think things will calm down in the next few days. I’m sure happy I’m not smoking! I would be like a smokestack!

If you’re still smoking through the holiday try not to let stress get to you too much, and see if you can smoke fewer cigarettes and stay busier. Maybe you will be out doing Christmas shopping, or visiting with family or friends, and can plan some activities in places where you can’t smoke. I’m not suggesting you add to your stress by trying to quit completely, but perhaps keeping busy with other things can help you not increase your smoking over the holidays.

We have just passed the Solstice, the darkest day of the year, and the light will be increasing. This time of year is great for reflection, and of course New Years is a great time to make some resolutions for 2010. What kind of resolutions will you be making this year?

I will be offering a free one-hour teleclass entitled, “Some Quit Smoking Techniques” on Tuesday, January 26 at 4:30 p.m. Pacific time, 7:30 p.m. Eastern.

I’ll be discussing a little of the effects of nicotine on the brain and some ways to prepare to quit, and possibly ensure a more successful experience.

I will shortly have a link on my Web site where you can sign up for the class. Please keep checking back on this blog for the link.

I hope you’ll join me.

Catherine

I’ve been thinking about doubt lately. The lack of positivity, or sureness. “I doubt I can do that.” “I doubt he’ll come.” “I doubt that I’ll get that job.” “I doubt that I’ll be able to quit smoking.”

We may not say it out loud. We might be so used to doubting ourselves and our abilities that it’s natural to us. We don’t believe — we doubt — we can take such a big step as quitting smoking.

Doubt can erode our faith, our belief in ourselves that we are strong enough, or ready enough, or willing enough to make a big change like letting go of an addiction. After all, that addiction is part of us now, we need it to help us through those tough times. “I doubt I’ll be able to handle this situation without a cigarette.”

I believe that doubt is a learned behavior. There are plenty of people out there who don’t have doubt. People who just know they’re going to get that job, or that they are valuable enough to get that raise, or that their good friend will show up when needed. What makes those people different from us? Somewhere along the way they learned that doubt holds them back from trying something new, and they really wanted to try something new. So they did. And it worked. So they tried something else. And it worked. And they tried something else. And it didn’t work. But they already knew that sometimes it does work and they had faith that they could try again.

When I started trying to quit smoking, I failed. And I told myself it was because I couldn’t quit. I was too addicted and it was impossible to stop. I kept trying and I kept failing. I tried again and again, using all kinds of techniques and getting help from healing professionals like an acupuncturist and a hypnotist. I couldn’t quit. Or so I thought. I doubted my ability to quit.

But one day, my belief that I had to quit became more important than my doubt that I couldn’t do it. I was suffering from a horrible cough, I had watched both parents die from smoking-related diseases, I was out of breath, and I needed a cigarette all the time to keep me calm in times of stress. Those reasons were part of how I was able to put those things down and never pick them up again (so far!). I believe that I finally came to a point where I believed I was able to not smoke that next cigarette. I no longer doubted my ability to do this fearful, difficult thing. I knew if I just tried again, I could.

I had lots of support from people who were former smokers and who told me I wasn’t alone. I definitely had a hard time when I finally refused to pick up those nicotine sticks, but I believed that “smoking was not an option” for me. I didn’t doubt myself. I knew I had to and would do this.

How did I get there? I think there were many factors in my life. I began to “wake up” to living at some point. I think when my parents died I suddenly realized I was mortal, and that I needed to take care of myself if I wanted to live for a while. And I didn’t want to die of emphysema like my mother did. I got into therapy. I went to a smoking cessation class, which, although I ultimately began smoking again, gave me some of the information I needed to understand my addiction.

Nicotine Anonymous was my rock. That’s where I quit. They do have internet and phone meetings, and there are f2f meetings in a lot of the major cities. There you’ll receive support, fellowship, and the knowledge that you are not alone, that many out there have quit before you and know exactly what you’re going through.

So do I. I’m a Recovery Coach. I can give you the support you need, and help you discover the way to quit that is your way. We’ll develop a quit plan to ensure your success as you follow it. You might want to also join a support group such as Nicotine Anonymous, or one of the online groups out there. But with coaching you have the opportunity to work on your whole self. What brought you to smoking in the first place, and how to replace it with new, healthy behaviors.

Sign up for my newsletter on my web site, and send an e-mail for information on an introductory coaching call. You can get to know me and I you as we discuss your plan for your future life free of nicotine!

I’m offering a free 1-hour teleclass on quitting smoking in January. I hope you’ll sign up. I’ll write more about that in a future post.

I’m looking forward to hearing from you, and HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Catherine

Happy Holidays to you!

I’ve been away from blogging for a few weeks, but I wanted to get back and wish all my readers a wonderful holiday season. May you enjoy whatever activities you decide to do, may the weather be perfect, may your meals be delicious, and may you be surrounded by your friends.

Despite the delight of this season, holidays can also be stressful, as I’m sure you know. And smoking is just perfect for dealing with stress, isn’t it? When that nasty brother-in-law says something to get your nose out of joint, it’s so nice to go outside and have a smoke instead of popping him one. <g>

I loved smoking for that reason. I could get away from the stress of a party, or having to be “on” in a group. If I smoked I could leave the room and stand outside and “be safe.” And, of course, smokers are the coolest people. I really enjoyed all the other smokers I met on the back porch of whatever party I was attending.

I wouldn’t recommend trying to quit in these last three weeks of December! You’ve got enough on your plate right now, what with dealing with presents, travel, family, events, etc. Even if you’re alone and not involved in all that activity, it’s hard to be unaffected by it.

Plan now to quit in January. Start paying attention to why you are smoking. You might want to keep a journal and write down whenever you smoke and why. You’ll start to notice a pattern. Maybe you always smoke after a meal, or you always smoke when you get off work, etc. Pay attention to those times, and start thinking of alternative behaviors that you can do instead of smoke. Use these next three or 4 weeks to prepare to quit.

Here are some questions to ask yourself:

1) Who can I ask for support? Who do I trust who will let me call them any time day or night when I really need to talk to someone?

2) What is in my house that might trigger me to smoke once I’ve quit? Think about removing ashtrays, matches and lighters, dismantling favorite smoking areas in and out of your house, etc.

3) What will I do when I’m triggered? Think of alternative behaviors like sucking on a flavored toothpick, eating some carrott sticks, sugarless gum or hard candy, walking, a sip of water, a rubber band on your wrist that you can snap each time you have a craving.

4) What about nicotine replacement therapy? You might want to consider using the patch or gum to assist you through the quit. I wouldn’t recommend e-cigarettes because they will stimulate all the same behaviors that you already have with cigarettes.

E-mail me to set up a free coaching consultation, to see if maybe coaching might help you get through your first three months. We can talk about developing a quit plan that will be tailored to your specific needs. I’d love to hear from you.

Meanwhile, Happy Holidays!

Catherine